i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
