So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
