Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This baby is an asshole
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
