God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
