Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
