i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize