So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
