Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
