I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
