Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
