Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
