Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
