Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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