i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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