I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
