He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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