R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
