My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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