He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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