gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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