This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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