so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
