Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm like, not good at living.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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