you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
