Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I AM VODKA MAN
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
