By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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