Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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