No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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