Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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