god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
