Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
