I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
