i would punch a child for taco bell
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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