I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
