You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
