she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
