Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
