i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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