His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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