Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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