So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize