He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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