legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
