so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
