update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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