We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
