Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
