why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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