Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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