i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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