You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
