I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
