belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
