my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're so nebulous sometimes
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
