I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
