Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
