That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
