yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
