What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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