I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
