now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
