he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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