i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
