I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize