I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Moan for me like Helen Keller
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
