you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
