Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
