She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
