Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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