I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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